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Saturday, June 11, 2011

5 Things I Learned from a BDSM club....

... and no, we're not talking a BDSM-themed club where people wear leather and listen to heavy metal music. We're talking... well... the real thing. You know. Whips. Chains. Subs and Doms. Scary vibrating machines that I'll let you Google on your own.

So how did I get roped into this? As a naive vanilla-girl, I was invited by a friend and ended up knee-deep in a terrifying underground excursion.... A corset and nine-inch-heels later, I found myself standing in a room full of creepy silent spectators as women were stripped naked and whipped and beaten by their "Doms" -- for mutual pleasure!

By the end of the night, this is what I walked away with:

1) Hot Topic is not what you think it is. After getting a first-hand look at the BDSM scene, everything from thick eyeliner to platform boots took on new meaning. I suddenly realized that what has become a teeny-bopper franchise is actually a BDSM clothing store for children. Think cutting is Emo? Try a whip....

2) The vampire trend suddenly makes sense. We are raising a generation of BDSM freaks and we don't even know it! Let's not forget that Stephanie Meyer herself admitted to finding inspiration for Twilight from a freaky dream, in which a hot guy said "I love you... but I want to kill you." (!!!) Mysterious, abusive men obsessed with "biting" women, and women who are turned on by it? Oh god, Twilight, what have you done?

3) Men are gross. But we already knew that.

4) Metal chokers are not just a fashion statement! Ever wondered if your coworker or neighbor is into BDSM? Saw them packing a bag of whips, chains, and leather wrist restrains into their car? Your daughter seems to be spending a lot of time going out at night with creepy friends? A lot of "subs" will wear metal chokers or other small tokens to remind them of their "double life." Now you know!

5) People do the darndest things! And right when you thought you'd seen it all, someone pulls out a paddle and starts beating you for fun. What is wrong with people? How does an abusive relationship become something kinky and fun? Why is it that while standing in the club, I felt the acute sense that I was surrounded by normal, everyday people who just wanted to partake in a bit of pain? I will never condone the lifestyle now that I've seen it, but really... aren't we all such strange creatures?

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

OKStupid Update!

 My online OkCupid dating account exists solely for my own entertainment. Here are some letters from dashing young suitors! If this doesn't make you want to meet up with a stranger from the internet, than nothing will!

*Typos and creepiness left for your enjoyment.

I responded to this guy and then decided to ignore him. This was his response:

"I really don't get you I'm polite, Outgoing, tried messaging you,........I'm really tall....good looking....outspoken....not a pussy and a great writer (I might have a mainstream comedy soon) I contact you and you don't even get back to me after the first time? Well best of luck to you....sounds like you have got a great sense of character.....good luck you'll need it not too many people like me on here.... "OMG MY BUTT IS SO HURT RIGHT NOW"

Here are a few in Serendipity's inbox....

#1...
"so im messagin you cuz i want sum1 real, i love red heads and nope im not into clothes or trends, i dislike the whole expensive clothes thing, im pretty simply im not into wastin money as i can always think of a better way to use it like help the needy then waste it on expensive things, im just turned christian and em lookin to for a special female lady chick friend, if you like sweet honest guys with tattoos that enjoy the small use of cannabis beer and wine, small use not a stoner not a drunk but i take what the Holy Father has giving the earth with thanksgiving, but if that bothers you sorry, although a foot rub may calm you down=) i love giving those and im sure you like gettin them... or maybe you never had one but what can you do. Love to hear from you God bless"

PLEASE let me be your female lady chick friend!

#2....
"Well... I'm a good guy and six flags is awesome... and spontaneous adventure? Well I tend to be struck with "moods" to do weird things at times.. LOL does that count? You do seem awesome like a possum... I'm cooler than a fan myself... and your profile says you like children so me being a.single father with literally the most gorgeous lil girl in the world thats a good thing.. lol... but let me ask you this... do you know how much a polar bear weighs?

Just enough to break the ice.. hi I'm Jake... LOL ok corny I know.. but you know its funny!
Plus I'm kind of a writer so I like a woman that loves to read...  "

Weird moods, huh? Do any of these moods include murder? And way to sneak in the "single father" thing....


#3....
Hi there, I haven't been on this site in a looong time so i was just browsing. I have to stay up until 10am tomorrow for Black Friday (i work retail) and it's 11:24pm now as i'm typing this so that'll let you know how incredibly bored I am.

Anyways, I read your profile and we have alot in common! I mean like, alot alot. I don't want to lead you on or anything (not that I could you live in California and you wont relocate!) But I have a girlfriend, you just seemed really cool and I thought it'd be cool if we could just chat and be friends :-)

Thats not weird to do on a dating site right? lol. 

Anyways, I like making friends, I hope you would concider being a pen pal.

I don't get on here much, so if you do the email thing that goes right to my phone.

stupidperson@fakeemail.com [email changed to protect the innocent!]

Just put "Freakishly Artistic Girl" in the subject and I'll remember who you are lol.

If not then I'll just say you seem to be a very cool person and hope all is going well on the other side of Americia.

So you live across the country, have a girlfriend, and want to be friends online??? Sounds like the IDEAL MATCH!!!


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And there you have it! More winners from the internetz. Stay tuned for more updates! :)