Everyone Likes Games!

Getting to know a person is complicated. People are often elusive and quick to hide the hideous monster they are inside. Here are a series of tests and games you can play on your date thus furthering yourself from any real intimacy, which is terrifying.

The "What I Really Look Like" Test

Walk into the bathroom, remove all of your make up. Peel of your fake eyelashes, take out your contacts, pull out your hair extensions, remove your bra padding (if you are wearing a bra) and wash off all of your deodorant. Come back to the table, gauge your dates reaction.

The Bum Test

Ask your date if he gives money to Bums. Homeless people are often mentally ill or have become so down-and-out they have completely lost their way. Any man that can not sympathize with that is a DOUCHE BAG. That's right, he does not appreciate his home and he has no regard for other people. Slap your date, steal his wallet, and give it to a bum.

The Bad Attitude Test

For no reason, give your date a huge attitude. Roll your eyes. Three snaps in a BITCH formation. Act like a child. See how much he is willing to deal with, these will be the boundaries of your relationship.

The Banana Test

At any given point of the night, pull a banana out of your purse. Bananas are an excellent source of Fiber. Your date will be shocked, and torn between his  natural urge to make a sexual comment and still act like a gentlemen. Peel the banana, never break eye contact. Ask for spoon. Confused, your date hands you a spoon. Pulverize the banana and then say you're not hungry anymore and you hate bananas.

The Down Talk Test

Talk down to your date. Even if he is 10+ years your senior. Question his intelligence. Interrupt him and quiz him on his random factoid knowledge. Some of my favorites are

*What does LED stand for?

* Random Star Wars/ Lord of the Rings/ and John Wayne trivia.

* Why is the ocean blue?

It is important that your date is intelligent.  At some point in the future you might be expected to interact with other couples.(AH!) He needs to be smart enough for the  both of you so you can hide and get drunk in the corner of a family party/dinner date.

You should seriously consider at least trying out one of these. Otherwise you might find yourself having a meaningful conversation while on a date.

xoxo

Hiding Feather