A Literary Analysis of Word Vomit

  Serendipity is a college student working towards a BA in Creative Writing at a local state university. In "Men Are Dumb, Here is Written Proof" Serendipity provides us with some writing samples from 20 something year old men in her creative writing class (for seniors) Nothing reveals an individuals thought process like their own personal writing. The short story "Our Promise" stood out the most. Granted this poor man has probably had little to no female interaction, it is still terrifying.


  In "Our Promise" the writer takes us on a frightening adventure to Vegas and back where a confused young man cheats on his fiance...with his friends mom. The basis of the couples relationship revolves around their mutual adoration for Florence and the Machine. Their beautiful love story begins with the woman proclaiming "I like smart boys" and complimenting her soon to be husband on the hanky in his blazer pocket. He is flattered that she noticed the handkerchief his mother had sent him in a gift basket (WTF) The story is adorned with "Golly" and "Id be delighted to oblige" to paint a modern picture of male and female interactions. The female seems to have the emotional capacity of dryer lint and the male character keeps referencing back to his mother. Post bachelor party he finds himself in bed with his friends Mom. He panics and checks his cell to find that his distrustful fiance blew up his phone. He arrived to the wedding the following day riddled with guilt. He tries desperately to confess but his fiance does not want to hear it. He then tries to tell her parents, but alas, no one will give him the time of day to rat himself out. He is pardoned for his behavior and they marry.


THE END


A Brief Psychological Analysis

• Why is he cheating with his friends mom? The Main character suffering from guilt. Marriage is the ultimate act of betrayal from a son to his mother. He is allowing a strange woman to do his laundry, cook for him and bear his children. All of those years of loyal devotion from his mother, just to stab her in the back and hand over his care to a stranger. He needs to reconcile his guilt...though sex. And we all know that most men pass up sleeping with a stripper in Vegas and fall into the arms of their friends Mommies (who are in Vegas for a Bachelor party for some reason, probably to Chaperon)
• Why is the fiance portrayed as a semi functioning child? "I like smart boys!" Clearly the writer sees all women and husband-hungry children. When they first meet, she is on the floor because she fell over. All woman, to one degree or another, are on the floor waiting for man to help them up. She also blows up his phone will in Vegas, like all crazy girlfriends do. When he attempts to confess she does not want to face the truth of her mans infidelity. I'm still not sure what to make of that part.

Lastly, no great story is complete without a sequel from a stranger. Here is "Our Promise: The Morning After" as written by Feathers your faithful manhate Blurger.


  I stood outside watching the sun rise from our motel balcony. Our wedding night was perfect. A single tear rolled down my cheek, I caught it with my hanky. It was just like how I had imagined, Florence and the Machines filled the room while my bride rode me like my friends mom had the night before. Thank God she still didn't want to talk about it.

  
 I thought I would surprise her with a gift basket from the hotel lobby so I crept out while my sweetheart slept like a child. I walked down into the lobby and started stuffing my pockets with complimentary oat meal packets and pre packaged danishes. I emptied out the nearest fruit bowl and tried to arrange the oatmeal and pastries like my Mom did with the last goodie basket she sent me. I snapped a picture of it, I promised my Mom I would take alot of pictures.
 
  I snuck back into our hotel room to find my new wife tangled in bed sheets on the hotel floor. She was always falling. I was about to help her out but I became a distracted by a piece of lint on the carpet. She snapped at me " Aren't you going to help me up?" I grabbed her elbow and dragged her upright when a sound that could only be described at "trickling" started. I looked around confused at first but it was just my bride peeing herself again. She was so cute, I hoped she'd never change.
I showed her the present I made for her downstairs.

"Golly, that is just peachy! Quaker Oats is the Bees Knees!" sang my beautiful princess. I knew I did a good job.

 She heated up some water in the microwave and even poured an extra sugar packet in my oatmeal, just like how Mom use to make it. We sat down at the foot of our bed and she rested her head on my shoulder.

"Well, Dig in!" I said... but she didn't move. "You can start eating now!" I spat.

   I then realized that she was just having trouble holding her own head up. Silly girl. I wiped the drool from her mouth, and off my shoulder and held her head up by her little chin.

"Here comes the Choo-choo