Men are Dumb and Here's Written Proof

If you are easily offended DO NOT read this!

I know, I know, we write a blog primarily focused on man-hating. But we're not making this stuff up! Here are some segments of short stories from my Creative Writing class that I hope will enrage you as much as they enraged me. Please keep in mind that these story segments are written by men who are Creative Writing majors and seniors in college!

The following story segments are written by 22-23 year old men in my Creative Writing class. No joke!

Retard Story #1: "Fallen Angel"

"I continued my way upstairs and found Janie sitting on the steps crying. Of course I thought the worse case scenario because I just saw her ex-boyfriend leaving her apartment. Maybe he beat her again. When I went to check things out, I found that he had just gone up to apologize and hoped to reconcile things with her. But she confessed that she was now going out with me. I asked her if she still loved him and she said no. She said she was just crying because seeing him made her think of the abortion and it made her sad. I didn't know what she was feeling. But it was enough to cause her to have whimpering nights and bad thoughts. She started cutting herself. She said she thought that maybe if she felt the pain, it would make her stop thinking about the baby. Of course I didn't know what to say or do when she talked about it. So I just kept quiet and listened but told her it would be okay.

I felt uncomfortable talking to her about the abortion mostly because she would bring up her ex-boyfriend [so what, I guess her abortion is really about you, Mr. Narrator???] but also because I didn't know what to tell her to make things feel better. I couldn't say "I understand" or "The nightmares will go away," because I didn't know anyone who had gone thru the same things she had gone thru."

** At the end of this story, Janie commits suicide after getting pregnant again and her boyfriend telling her that she will look fat in her graduation uniform.


Retard Story #2: "Our Promise"

[Typical "guy meets girl, guy proposes, guy cheats on girl at bachelor party in Vegas, guy and girl still get married" story. All typos are from the original text, preserved for your amusement.]

Today is like no other day. I think I'll get some coffee down the street. As I turned the corner I bumped into an angel. As she stumbled about attempting to pick herself up all I can think about was her beauty. She had soft blond hair that moved gracefully with the wind. Her skin glowed as bright as diamonds. The dressed she wore only enhanced her elegance. No drape can cover up her grace [wtf???]. However my admiration was temporarily interrupted when I heard her voice calling out.

"Hello! Are you not going to help me up?" she said.

"Why yes. Golly, I'm so sorry!" I said.

"It's peachy, no harm done. Why that is a fine handkerchief you got there in the pocket of your blazer," she said as she made her way up.

"Oh yes. It's a beauty. My mother sent it to me on this gift basket I received." I said.

"Your mother has great taste." Just when she finished reading that sentence my knees buckled. No other girl has ever talked to me for this long let alone stay once I brought up my mother. They usually start to run before I even finish the first syllable or the second. I better make my move. I'll be smooth. I thought to myself before I asked her out.

"Well, seeing as my mother raised me right, it will be only right to buy you a cup of coffee," I asked.

"Sure. I'll be delighted to oblige," she said. "So, do you bump into girls often?" she asked, breaking the awkward silence.

"No, I was having a great day, I was just thinking about how great today was setting out to be, and that was when I bumped into you. So my day still hasn't changed." I said.

"Oh, you are not stressing on your finals? You must be smart. That is great because I like smart boys," she said.

"Well here we are at the coffee shop. Let's go in, after you," I said.

"What a gentleman," she said.

[Here are a few other little gems from this story...]

"Sylvia, what a lovely name. OK then, Sylvia here is a nice cup of chai tea for you," I said.

"We made our way to a nice quiet table and talked for hours. We talked about everything from politics to movies, but the bulk of the conversation was on the music we listened to. It turned out that she was a singer studying voice at our school. We both love the same music and even love the same band, Florence and the Machine. She loves the singer, I just love everything about the band. Before we knew it night fall had set in and I decided it was time to walk her home."


[As we all know, if someone shares your tastes in music, it means you connect on a deep emotional level and you're probably soul mates.]

** This story ends with the main character cheating on his girlfriend with his friend's mom, before their wedding. Then Sylvia forgiving him because "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas."

Moral of the Story 
You can't get much deeper into a guy's mind than his own personal writing. As it turns out, the men who wrote these stories appear to have the emotional depth of a nail clipping, and they aren't faking it! Never forget that twenty-something men are stupid, and even better, they see you as an emotionally weak child! Also, don't ever get knocked up and rely on a man to see you through the abortion. You'll probably end up committing suicide.
x
Serendipity