Things My Grandmother Taught Me

Grandma likes to party. She takes the old folks bus to Vegas at least once a month and steals my Casino credit before she leaves. Some spirits cannot be tamed. The majority of my bad advice came from Grandma, she encouraged my rebellious spirit and credits herself for my entrepreneurial life style! Here are some of grandmas gems of wisdom...

13 yr old Me: Grandma I want to get my belly button peirced!

Grandma: Those are hot! You should do it. Ill take you tomorrow after school.

Me: Ok! Dont tell dad!

Grandma: Ha! Don't worry. I won't.

 I proceeded to get my bellybutton pierced. I went to school and showed all of my friends my new body piercing. I was a good girl, I had good grades and nice friends but I wanted something cool and I was feeling daring! Unfortunatley for me I am also a bit of a hypocondriac. I was certain my belly ring was infected, I cracked and showed my mom. I told her that I had a friend do it with an ear piercing gun. When I told Grandma what I had done she said "YOU DID WHAT?" and that takes us to our first bit of Golden Advice

Morals and Virtue

Never tell on yourself. Deny everything. Stick to your story, if you don't, youve lost all of your credibility.Telling on yourself does not make any sense. Also, never rat out your partners in crime! Dont sell your sources or pretty soon you won't have any.

Health and Wellness

Me: Grandma I feel sick

Gma: TAKE A PILL.

Me: But I already took one..

Gma: TAKE TWO

On Love and Dating

 "My 3rd husband was so boring! I didnt marry a 25 year old at 40 to have his ass fall asleep on our honey moon! I did what anyone would have done, took his wallet and partied in the casino with the bartenders. Its Vegas!"

Grandma telling a story at Thanksgiving dinner

"Dump him. If his mom still wipes his ass, he'll expect you to do it to. You'll be doing enough ass wiping when you have your first baby. Never date a man that acts like hes still on the boob."

Grandmas best advice to me

On Religion

"Save your money. Take a vacation instead. Catholic school isn't going to fix what's wrong with them"

Grandma to my parents regarding sending us to Catholic school

 On Rasing Children

"You're coddling her, take those stupid floaties off. When I wanted your dad to learn how to swim, I threw him in the pool. He's still alive."

To me while trying to teach my little sister how to swim

On Technology

"Get this thing outta my apartment. I bought it to meet men but it's stressing me out"

Grandma with her first Computer

There you have it. Advice from a woman who has lived! Love you Grandma ;)

xo