CatcherofDreamz presents: WINO BLURG

Let me tell you a story... actually, it's more like a list. Let me tell you a list. Pull up a chair (because floors are for dogs and man-boys.) This is why being a wino makes the most sense!

1. Being a wino is great because you can drink wine and tell yourself stories that only you understand! What creative freedom this gives you! It allows your mind to open up like an oyster or a clam or some other kind of delicious shellfish and explore the colors of the world (mmm wine and shellfish). You can gargle salt water... then spit it at a canvas! You are an artist! Winos are artists!

2) What is spelling? No one cares, cause you're a wino! Just type words that look like they are right, people will understand you. And if they don't understand you they are bad friends. If you always type correctly NO ONE TRUSTS YOU. It's suspicious. You might be a computer.

3) You know whats horrible? Stress! Got worries? They won't be worries if you are a wino! Winos only have one worry and that's running out of wine or possibility battling in a tron-like virtual reality world against other winos.

4) Getting sidetracked. Wow! Hours can go by. Don't worry, you're still drunk!

5) The mirror. Who cares what you look like?! It's all so blurry. Save money on makeup and even clothes! Who knows the difference? It's the best wrinkle cream in the world: blurry eyes. It's like plastic surgery for .02% of the cost.

6) Surprise! You can Sing! Bet you thought you couldn't! Be a wino, and you'll always be in tune, at least to yourself. And who are you with most of the time? That's right -- yourself. Congrats! You are a rockstar!

7) FOOD HAS NO CALORIES WHEN YOU ARE DRUNK ON THE WINES!! Eat everything -- twice. You won't have to deal with it until morning and morning is so far away, does it even MATTER? HAH.

8) You will get tons of dates! You will be the life of the party. Even if the party is you and your cat. Your cat will be so impressed with your unfiltered wit! But don't worry, real people will like you too. You are so free and open, they've never met anyone like you before! Ok..... maybe they will be a little sad when you fall asleep but don't knock yourself... you needed that nap.

9) You know what's great! You can tell stories and never have a point! People don't look for points, they just look for style and execution. And boy did you have style! You have just told every secret ever entrusted to you. That's just impressive to have happened within a span of 5 mins. I'm proud of you.

10) Everyone in life is gonna like you more, when you are a wino! Just ask another wino! They will tell you (or tell you something loosely related.) They may ask you for a ride to a fast food restaurant! Take them. You may learn things on that trip that will stay with you a lifetime. Like: "im so drunk" and "i would eat that tree if it were a sandwich" and "who needs underpants when you have pants" and other super valuable tidbits of wisdom.


So there you go. Now you see what it's a great thing to be a wino. You aren't a really person without a box with a tap in your fridge.I love you all. Let me drool on your shirt, we will sell it as merch.


love, kara and dancing llama
(and thank you to Feathers and Serendipity for making this readable by humans!)