Ok, so you're not "really" engaged, but you and your soon-to-be-husband are on date #3 so its safe to assume so! You have made an unspoken agreement to see each other again because you both have nothing better to do. Your date is probably going to come back to your house because he is drunk. Here are some things to remember....
1. Wear a shit-ton of makeup. It is very important past this point that he never be able to identify you in a line-up.
2. Check your Internet. Make sure all of your tabs are closed. You do not want your date seeing their Twitter account or blog open on your browser. Also, never ever let your date see what YouTube is suggesting to you. Erase your Google search.
3. Make sure to break up awkward silences. Do a magic trick! Pull your grandmother's engagement ring out from behind his ear and scream "YES" in his face. Start crying.
4. Collect a blood sample. Genetics are important. After all, you don't want your babies to have any mental illnesses!!! How you go about this is up to you. Use your best judgment. If you have to, break a beer bottle. And don't worry, alcohol is sterile.
5. Give your date a Tarot reading. Interpret the cards to say, "If you wait too long you will die alone." Act surprised and say you must have read them wrong!
6. When its time to leave the bar, make sure you have screaming death metal on full volume playing in your car. (I suggest Lamb of God's 'Descending') Sing/scream along. This lets your date know you are a 'balls to the wall' kinda girl! Whatever that means.
7. When driving your date to your house make sure you take a bizarre path. You want your date to be confused about how he arrived at your house.You are probably drunk so stop by a fast food place. Be conscious of eating with your hands and remember to share the hot sauce.8. You want your date to spend the night so make him a cocktail of Vodka, Viagra and NyQuil. Before he "falls asleep," take lots of pictures of the two of you and post them on Facebook. Tag him and make one your default! Change your status to "engaged."
9. Now get him to sign into Facebook (threaten him with a fork if you have to.) Wait for him to fall asleep. Update his status that he's in love. You know it's true. He'll thank you in the morning. Now that it's posted on Facebook, it's definitely official.
10. When you wake up in the morning, force yourself to vomit and say you feel pregnant. He is going to be so happy! He's always wanted to be a father. Now you two are destined to be together, and it's all because of the Vodka and Facebook. :')
Be sure to invite Serendipity and Feathers to your wedding! We are so happy for you two!
vodka nyquil and viagara ! Got it :p
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