The Perpetual Man Boy

 They are everywhere. Some are hiding in their parents basements but most are walking amongst the rest of us. They are little boys in deceiving costumes, boys disguised as grown men!!! Man-boys have spent their entire lives avoiding responsibility and now they are dating. It can be hard to separate the day walkers from the night crawlers. Sometimes it takes visiting a mans no-furniture apartment to see that he is in fact a man-boy.


So... What stunts a grown man? How do you unveil a man-boy? These are all terrifying questions with even scarier answers. Proceed to Man Boy Land with EXTREME CAUTION (and a foldy chair because remember man boys don't have any furniture.)


What makes a man boy?

Sure, some people are just born immature but most likely someone built this monster. Mommy gave him one too many hugs and now he thinks hes a gift to the universe! OR an ex-girlfriend broke up with him and took his cat leaving him with nothing but a tube of black hair dye and an album to write. Either way, man-boy is holding his dick still in the air waiting for the Planet to rotate around it.


How to sniff out a Man-Boy: Ques, Clues, and Del Taco Wrappers!


Let's skip the obvious. If your man does not have a car or job, do not be the one to house, clothe, and cart his ass around. Don't do it. No. There are no excuses. Stop lying to yourself.


Let's assume your new man has his own place, a car and a job but you haven't seen his apartment yet. Here are some questions to ask yourself while observing his layer:


1. Does he have a bed frame? You do not want a man who sleeps in a floor nest of sheets and pillows. Don't make excuses for a futon either! He should have a grown up bed.

2. Does he have a comfy chair for you to sit in? If he does not, sit on his keyboard.



I googled "Del Taco Wrappers" and found this.



3.What are the misc. contents of the house? Are there Del Taco wrappers everywhere? Wine bottles... are they empty? What's in the care package his Mother sent him? Is it stuff you haven't seen since the early 90's like pop rocks and glow sticks?

  
But...but..Feathers??!! What are you saying?!



I know it's hard. Your man-boy is probably a barrel of laughs and a good, drunk time -- but this is no reason to date one. Man boys are rebellious and appeal the the fuck-up in all of us! Ever notice that the man-boys get all the ladies in high school? Your man-boy might also a Bad Boy and that is a whole other mess!

Bad boys are fun. They smell like menthol cigarettes and pumpkin candles!  But they are not always the best decision.

 Also to consider... never, ever, EVER date ANYONE with ANY relation to Andy Dick for any reason! Unless you don't mind the idea of him being at your wedding. It might not be so horrible, he is tiny and could be propped up with a guitar stand but God forbid he be conscious, humping your brides maids faces, and asking for money.